Billy Crystal was right. Well not Crystal precisely, but his character in When Harry Met Sally. He said the reason men and women can’t be friends is "because the sex part always gets in the way." Think of all your female friendships; chances are it started off because one of you was attracted enough to the other to strike up a conversation. When it’s obvious from the beginning that there is no chance romantically, the relationship evolves platonically. However, sometimes friends end up doing all the same things as lovers; late-night phone calls, dinner dates, movie nights on the couch, and then, sex.
Now the deed is done. Sex is the elephant in the room. With sex comes feelings, emotions and, possibly, regret. You want to keep your relationship on the friendship level, but there is a possibility she'll want more. So, how do you remain pals and nothing more?
Here is a simple plan for the days, weeks and months that follow your jump from friend to lover. Make sure to follow these steps in order, keep on course and the game of friendship should remain as strong as it was before the sexual timeout.
The morning after
It’s the morning after and you wake up in bed together. If it’s a weekday, making a clean break shouldn’t be a problem because you both have to get to work. Once you get into the office, wait about an hour and shoot her an e-mail joking about the previous evening’s events, and then immediately switch topics. You must acknowledge it occurred so she doesn’t feel used, but you shouldn’t dwell on it or she'll think it’s something more than it was -- a simple one-time event. Don’t let the talk dip into the dirty regions either. Don’t use a pet name or nickname. Give her back her underwear. Act like a friend. Unless you traded undies as friends, then by all means, carry on.If it’s a weekend, the split could be trickier than a 7-10 in slippery bowling shoes. You must not extend the day into an afternoon of antiquing and small talk over iced coffee. But, don’t go for the obvious "I have things to do" excuse because she probably knows your life better than you do. Casually mention things you have to take care of in a solo mission; the gym she doesn’t belong to, going to the office to finish some work or a trip to see the parents. Make plans to hang out that week in a friendly situation, something you’ve done together many times before you danced the horizontal mambo so she knows this wasn’t a hit-and-run.
A week after
Some time has passed and it’s time for the next step. An important move to ensure you remain friends after sex is not to sleep together again. Lord knows it will be tempting and possibly available. One time is a mistake in a moment of attraction; two or more times appear as something much bigger. The first step is to stop thinking of her in that way -- or in that position. Fall back into the friendship. Keep everything as normal as possible. If you always talk after The Hills, make sure you talk after The Hills (then ask a close male friend to punch you in the throat for watching The Hills in the first place). If you grab coffee before work, keep your coffee meeting. The point is not to change the typical friend routine.It’s important not to do anything that could be misinterpreted. If you have an upcoming event that involves a date, don’t bring her along. Always introduce her to strangers as your "good friend." Don’t get jealous if she happens to mention another guy or if she gets hit on in your presence. Don’t make inside jokes about the night you shared. And stop picturing her in that position.
Months after
It’s important in this step to begin to talk about other women, even if there really aren’t any other women to speak of. Mention that a female coworker asked you out or drop hints that a woman at the gym is giving you bedroom eyes. Ask her about other guys too. See how she reacts. If she goes right back to criticizing your taste in women and encourages you to make a move, it looks like you're in the clear.Also, don’t disappear on her. Sure, it’s easy to run from an uncomfortable situation, but then were you really a friend to begin with? The topic of your night of bumping uglies will eventually come up. It’s on her mind (only every minute of the day since it happened) and it’s crossed your mind too. Talk it out. She may be just as uninterested in turning it into a relationship as you are. You could have been just a quickie for her too. Be honest and tell her how you feel.
Sleep it off
It’s been weeks and months since "the happening," and you're more than sure she wants to call you her boyfriend -- she doesn’t get the hint you aren’t interested romantically. We’ve got bad news: this friendship is going to end. Possibly not well either. Above all, be a gentleman. No matter how innocent you feel, in her eyes you are guilty. Just back away and leave her alone. After the explosion, wait a few weeks and send an e-mail or text message to assess the damage (that way she can viably ignore you if she wants). There is a chance she could have come to her senses and still wants to be friends.There is also a chance she is standing outside your bedroom window right now watching you read this article. Be prepared for anything.
"That's DOPE"
