Art Of Flattery 101.

The trends and popular themes surrounding romance tend to change with time, but there are a few universal features that are timeless. Any man with lofty expectations should recognize and embrace such aspects, one of which is the art of flattery.

There are fine lines to walk; timing is crucial, and, above all else, ingenuity and subtlety are essential for success. The challenge lies in making compliments appear both natural and genuine. It can’t be forced or fake, and it can’t be construed as sex bait. Perhaps it’s most important to acknowledge that all women appreciate compliments; any girl who says otherwise (“oh, only insecure women need flattery”) is lying.

Still, too many men don’t really think about flattery. They merely accept it as a matter of course and throw out a contrived little compliment, falsely believing that the recipient is impressed. It can be difficult to make a woman blush with nothing more than words, but most ladies treasure verbal ability.

Observe before complimenting

Anybody can just wander up to a hot girl and say something idiotic like: “Damn, you’re hot!” And anyone can select a standard, generic compliment like: “Your smile is so amazing”; “I just love your eyes”; “Wow, pretty and smart!” That's not the art of flattery. If you want to make an impression, take a few moments to observe, and then form a compliment that is unique to her. It really isn’t that difficult. Maybe she’s wearing something original, and it’s clear that she took some time selecting the outfit. Maybe she really does have an interesting physical contrast -- blue eyes and red hair, for instance -- or perhaps she draws all eyes with her skilled dancing. Look, it doesn’t take long; within minutes of first speaking to her, you should have sufficient information for effective and original flattery.

Don’t go overboard

Due to the fact that most women are polite and aren’t willing to say, “OK, that’s enough,” the guy often doesn’t know when to stop. But there are times and places for certain comments, and if you string them together all at once, they lose a lot of impact and poignancy. In fact, compliments should be spontaneous; they should emerge from your mouth the instant they hit your mind. There is nothing more genuine than spontaneity, and planned compliments are nowhere near as well-received.

If you think a lady can’t tell the difference, well, you’re in dire need of an education. The point is that women can actually suffocate under an ever-thickening layer of compliments, especially if they’re planned out too much. These are easily predictable and quickly dismissed. As with any other element of the flirting game, compliments require a deft touch.

It’s about her, not you

The common belief among cynical girls is that guys have an ulterior motive behind each and every compliment. It has gotten so bad that experienced ladies will never believe a word of flattery. And, let’s face it: the art of flattery and the delivery of the compliment often has a root cause and a final goal. This I freely volunteer. However, contrary to the beliefs of bitter, mistrustful women who refuse to believe your words are genuine, there are times when flattery is purely for her benefit. Now, you can work on these a little. You need to focus on something that is of importance to her; it shows you know something about her others can’t see, and it will be especially meaningful. So, if you know she prides herself on her natural beauty, you should notice just how beautiful she looks without any added cosmetics.

Different dating phases, different compliments

For whatever reason, men lose their desire to invent new compliments after dating a woman for a few weeks. You will note that many women complain that their significant other repeats the same bit of flattery he used on their first date. This is a major failing among males.

Guys need to learn that there are different compliments for different phases of the relationship. At first, they are more superficial, but that’s only because you don’t know her well enough. As time goes on, you should be able to generate far more personal compliments that prove you’re paying attention and that show you appreciate what lies beneath.

On the flip side, you shouldn’t attempt really personal flattery during a first encounter at the club or on a first date. Trying to do so comes across as presumptuous and, unfortunately, a wee bit creepy. If men claim to understand that relationships indeed have phases, why doesn’t the language change accordingly?

Not all compliments are verbal

Men will spend a long time inventing great compliments that result in a blush and a come-hither look, but they often overlook the potential impact a well-timed and well-executed glance can have. A lingering gaze on a particularly lovely dress, a surprised smile at a new hairdo or a caress of the back of her hand with your thumb can all be very special.

Women tend to read a man’s eye as best they can, and if they see something in your face that says, “Yes, I’m paying attention and yes, I like what I see,” you benefit. You’ve likely heard the idea that 95% of communication is nonverbal, and if you agree with it, you have to recognize the importance of gestures, looks and even simple movements. It’s not just about being affectionate or being observant, but about playing an active role in the relationship. It’s about relating a message that can’t be missed or misinterpreted, only enjoyed. Don't underestimate the power of body language.

Deliver the unexpected

This is a very simple premise involving opposites. Gorgeous women are used to fielding all manner of compliments related to their physical appearance, while those who aren’t quite models but excel in the areas of personality and charm have absorbed plenty of flattery concerning their minds. You can probably see where I’m going with this: When you look at her and speak with her, you can likely imagine the kinds of compliments she typically hears.

Once you have those in your head, select the opposite of that particular subject (or at least a topic that is very different), and give it a try. Keeping women on their toes is always crucial, and if you can manage to pay them a compliment they’ve never received and make it sound 100% truthful, you will see an appreciative look in her eye that is second to none. Just don’t make it too obvious. (Don’t tell a girl with a little extra weight that she’s “light on her feet.”)

FLATTERY FINESSE

The art of flattery is something far too many men take for granted. They figure any kind words will put them in a prime position but often forget that it’s difficult to be original when there have been many flatterers before them. The key is observation, timing and, of course, the very tone of your voice. Nothing is exactly “simple” in this game.

"That's DOPE"

Art Of Flattery 101.