Making A Sex Tape

You've thought about it. Being part of a modern couple that doesn't subscribe to traditional sexual mores, you've even discussed it with your girlfriend. Videotaping yourselves having sex -- it sounds like a good idea, but it's a very subtle art and not one to be jumped into lightly. When done right, taping yourselves in the act can bring you closer together as a couple. However, there are several pitfalls that must be avoided to ensure that your video is a make rather than break moment for your relationship. With a little knowledge and preparation, you can be sure that your first video won't be your last.

The equipment

Relax, we're talking about the camera (we'll get to your “equipment” in a moment). When making a quality home movie, it's all about the camera. Though they may be easy and readily available, avoid webcams; the resolution sucks and it's tethered to your computer. Besides, if you're going to tape yourself having sex from 10 feet across the room, you may as well be watching strangers doing it.

Invest in a reliable, lightweight MiniDV camera. You don't need to go out and buy a pro‐grade HDV camcorder -- the bells and whistles on a high‐end camera might be nice, but the likelihood of you needing to rack focus in the bedroom is nil. You want something that has a decent resolution and is small for easy handling.

Grooming

We realize that you're a generally tidy guy, but the camera is going to see things that you couldn't possibly with any amount of neck craning. Problem areas to consider are your back, ass and perineum. Things to look out for are spots and strange hairs -- the last thing you want is for her to be distracted by the whitehead on the left cheek of your butt. If you have hair on your perineum and in your crack (and who doesn't) you don't have to shave those areas, but do consider undertaking some serious manscaping to make things a bit more viewer‐friendly.

Also consider taking a shower before the big shoot. This will allow you to take full stock of any problem areas on your body and deal with them. It will also ensure that any hair south of the border is clean and fluffy.

Performance enhancement

We know you're good in bed, but even the best of us can have an off day -- the kind of day where we have to try our damnedest not to finish too soon past the starting gates. You have your bag of tricks that will help you sustain and fend off orgasm, but they won't help you while you're looking at yourself in the act on a 3-inch LCD screen. This is where a shower just prior to taping can be helpful. While on whitehead and stray hair detail, take yourself on a trial run just to take the edge off during sex.

Also helpful would be a glass of wine. In fact, if you each have a romantic glass of wine before moving things to the bedroom, you'll have less performance anxiety and be more comfortable while taping. We know it sounds strange to say, "drink and masturbate before taping yourself having sex," but the last thing you want is for your big-screen debut to be over before the opening credits -- remember that the tape will have a time code quantifying your sexual prowess.

Sharing POV

It's as important to switch camera angles as it is to switch sexual positions. Though it's tempting to always be the voyeur, the point of buying a small, lightweight camera is to be able to pass it back and forth to each other with relative ease. Give her the opportunity to film you. Allow her to choose what she wants to see in a film of the two of you. Otherwise you're just making a sex tape of some headless stranger plowing your girlfriend. If you're both in the film, it's more likely to bring you together and make her feel less self‐conscious on review. And if she likes the results, she's more likely to want to do it again.

Ownership

Before taping any sexual act, talk about tape proprietorship. For the privacy of each person involved, only one copy should ever exist. Never upload it to a computer or transfer it to an alternate format -- that's how third parties get the opportunity to lay their eyes on your private things. The gentlemanly thing to do is to let your girlfriend keep it, but with strings attached. For instance, make a pact for joint destruction of the tape in the event of your breakup. For mutual assurance, the responsible arrangement is to keep the tape for only a few weeks, watch it again, and then erase it together.

Do it for fun -- not blackmail

It should go without saying that making a sex tape should only proceed with the consent of both partners. Should you surreptitiously tape any sex act, you will suffer the same fate as Billy Baldwin in Flatliners -- that's just science.

Making A Sex Tape