If you're a divorced man, by definition you have an ex-wife. You may or may not have children. Regardless, odds are that there is still some form of interaction between the two of you, even if only strictly for business (i.e., alimony). The interaction is almost guaranteed if you had children during your marriage. Certainly, you may harbor horrible feelings and sentiments for the woman that ruined your life, but it's time to grow up and reap the benefits of being civil and getting along with your ex-wife.
A cordial relationship will make for fewer awkward social meetings, make her more flexible when there is something to be negotiated or discussed, and make your future dating life easier, not to mention that getting along with your ex-wife will simply help keep you younger. Here are some suggestions on how to keep the relationship open -- without getting back together, of course.
Kill her with kindness
We've all heard this phrase before, and for the most part it's true. Typically in a divorce, both parties have some problems that contributed to the demise of the marriage. You should take stock of your negative traits and then reverse the situation on your ex-wife. If you were always late showing up to events, be on time or even early. If you were great at hiding things, make an effort to be open, particularly with financially related matters.It may be no fun, but if you can work toward squashing her doubts about you it will make things much easier going forward in terms of issues like alimony and child support. For instance, you do not need her auditing your finances every year and asking for each of your pay stubs. If you create a trusting atmosphere, with boundaries, you will find a great deal of flexibility, which greatly alleviates the already stressful situation.
Be professional and objective
Although it can be an emotionally charged situation, you should make sure your correspondence with your ex-wife is strictly business in tone. Although certain issues or discussions may arouse some very strong feelings, control your emotions and do not go down the road of personal insults or attacks when dealing with your ex-wife. Pick neutral, public sites to discuss big matters. Always be on time for your meetings, when you pick up the kids and when you send items such as child support and alimony. Most importantly, if a discussion deteriorates from professional and objective to emotionally charged, cut your losses and suggest reconvening when the dust clears. If you treat the situation more business-like, it is more likely to be reciprocated and end on a civil note rather than a negative falling out between the two of you.
Keep your opinions to yourself
You may hate her new boyfriend or think her decisions make no sense, but take the high road and keep your opinions to yourself when dealing with your ex-wife. Even if you have children together, your lives are no longer joined at the hip and each party has the right to make independent decisions. You may want to spout off, but ultimately you may find she was right and you were wrong. Even worse, if you do always give her your two cents and then you make a mistake, that will really give her something to laugh about -- and you'll lose almost all credibility going forward.
Be thoughtful
Even when both sides want the divorce and it ends relatively amicably, there is always emotional baggage left over. You may want to flaunt your new perfect-10 girlfriend, but consider holding back. If you have the kids for the weekend, take some extra time to wash the dirty laundry: Sending the kids back with a bag of clean clothes will pick you up some points. Overall, despite your failed relationship, both of you are still human. Being thoughtful and courteous will make it easier to communicate about parenting issues and potentially amaze those in your social circle.Live your life
The two of you used to be one, but now you are one and alone. Have the courage to make your own decisions and focus on yourself and your life. Occasionally, you may get some heat from your ex about your parenting skills, dating choices or lifestyle choices, but in the end, her doubts about those are her problems. Making your own choices sets healthy boundaries and ultimately may earn you some respect -- possibly to the point where she will not question every move you make.Ex-tra marital affairs
Nobody grows up wishing they will one day be a divorcee or a single parent. Even when both sides are in agreement about moving on, it typically tends to be more of a sad, humbling experience rather than cause for celebration. Particularly if there are financial matters or children involved, your ex-wife will always be in the picture. So, make it easier on yourself by taking a little extra effort to keep the relationship with your ex amicable and respectable.
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