- What You Need To Know
- Identify whether you are in love or in lust before getting serious.
- Making a list of deal breakers, goals and qualities you seek will keep you on track.
- Become aware of your own relationship needs to avoid repeating mistakes.
"Everyone is addicted to falling in love (and with good reason)"
When it comes to dating, relationships and marriage, guys throughout history have asked the same questions -- let’s call them the “Eternal Questions" -- over and over: “When is the right time to have sex?” “How do I know it’s time to break up?” “What do I do when she gets pregnant and we didn’t plan it?” These are the sorts of challenges I’ll help you deal with by addressing a new question every week. If you have your own questions you’d like answered, please e-mail me. I’ve been helping people deal with these issues professionally for 14 years. On AskMen, I hope to help even more of you find some positive solutions and move your lives in the directions you want them to go.
A part of you hopes and prays your next first date will be your last, that she’ll turn out to be “the one.” You hope the relationship will magically (and effortlessly) progress and that you will fall madly in love. But is she "the one"?
Let’s face it: Everyone is addicted to falling in love (and with good reason). It feels amazing, and the high we get when falling in love is unparalleled.
A part of you hopes and prays your next first date will be your last, that she’ll turn out to be “the one.” You hope the relationship will magically (and effortlessly) progress and that you will fall madly in love. But is she "the one"?
Let’s face it: Everyone is addicted to falling in love (and with good reason). It feels amazing, and the high we get when falling in love is unparalleled.
Addicted to love
Like all drugs, however, that love high can make us do crazy things. You all have a friend who impulsively flew off to Vegas to marry a woman he barely knew because he was under the influence of love.
When we are in lust, or in the process of falling in love, we tend to overlook so many negative things about that person because so much feels right. We actively throw away any bad data that could ruin our high. We ignore what’s right in front of us.
If you’ve made poor choices because you’ve let a love high influence you, you're not alone. You already know that relationships entered into hastily, based upon the love high, never last. They can’t. Once you come down from that high, you’ll have to scale the Mt. Everest of data that you threw out. And trust me, it’s steep.
Whether you're in love right now or you're out there looking to answer the age-old question “is she the one?” the most important thing you need to know is yourself. The best way to figure out if someone is "the one" is to sort through the women who are clearly not right for you.
When we are in lust, or in the process of falling in love, we tend to overlook so many negative things about that person because so much feels right. We actively throw away any bad data that could ruin our high. We ignore what’s right in front of us.
If you’ve made poor choices because you’ve let a love high influence you, you're not alone. You already know that relationships entered into hastily, based upon the love high, never last. They can’t. Once you come down from that high, you’ll have to scale the Mt. Everest of data that you threw out. And trust me, it’s steep.
Whether you're in love right now or you're out there looking to answer the age-old question “is she the one?” the most important thing you need to know is yourself. The best way to figure out if someone is "the one" is to sort through the women who are clearly not right for you.
Is she the one?
In order to get a sense of what your needs are, ask yourself these three critical questions:
1. What are the five qualities or attributes in a woman that are really necessary?
Be honest with yourself. What are your needs? Do you need to be around somebody who is affectionate? Smart? How much sex is important to you? Everybody's list is going to be different.
2. What are your long-term goals for the relationship?
Do you want a sexual partner only? Are you looking for a wife? Do you even want to get married? Do you want children?
3. What are your deal breakers?
1. What are the five qualities or attributes in a woman that are really necessary?
Be honest with yourself. What are your needs? Do you need to be around somebody who is affectionate? Smart? How much sex is important to you? Everybody's list is going to be different.
2. What are your long-term goals for the relationship?
Do you want a sexual partner only? Are you looking for a wife? Do you even want to get married? Do you want children?
3. What are your deal breakers?
What are the qualities in a woman that are nonnegotiable? Your past relationships are a fantastic blueprint and can give you great information about what did not work. Did you guys disagree over religion? Disagree about the desire for children?
Know what you want
Once you make your three lists, you will have a much better sense of what you need in a relationship, and whether that love high you're feeling is real or based primarily on lust. We men often make mistakes entering into relationships because we are not aware of our needs. We tend to get caught up in the moment and to overlook the things that are most important to us.
Check your list
So the next time you are with somebody and you start to wonder if she is the one, check your list! Make sure that the person possesses the qualities you're seeking in a partner. If you're missing a core ingredient, the relationship will never work out. If you consult your list, you won't find yourself in a relationship with a person who is like a best friend but with whom the sex is so bad you can’t take it anymore, and you won't be in a relationship where the sex is fantastic, but the woman isn’t emotionally stable and doesn’t make you feel comfortable.
Make your lists. Do some soul searching to know exactly what you need. If you're in a relationship, see if the woman you're seeing fulfills your criteria. You can only get what you desire if you're able to identify it.
Make your lists. Do some soul searching to know exactly what you need. If you're in a relationship, see if the woman you're seeing fulfills your criteria. You can only get what you desire if you're able to identify it.
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